Wooing Fair Ohio - Advice for the Candidates

Wooing Fair Ohio

(rhyming essay)

I live in fair Ohio, a swing state with some power; the phone just keeps on ringing, a few times every hour, the candidates are calling; they seem to know my name, they say they want to help; at least that’s what they claim, so here’s some quick advice for wooing folks from here, I’ll keep it nice and simple; the facts are very clear, we’re proud of who we are and all the things we do; we really like our football - it’s played inside ‘The Shoe’, we also have the MLB, the NFL and more, but don’t mix up the Reds and Browns;  you might make people sore, a lot of fine inventors created stuff right here - like chewing gum and hot dogs and pop top cans for beer, Edison was born here, and astronaut John Glenn, seven former presidents were good Ohio men, Oberlin’s a college, one in high demand; the first coed and interracial school in all the land; here in the Midwest the family reigns supreme; we want to have a shot at living out the dream, of finding work that pays the bills with some to put away; we hope we can retire - somehow, somewhere, someday, so don’t make promises, don’t tell lies; we have a nose for fakes; be sincere, lay it out, show us what it takes; you’ll win our votes, one by one by telling us the truth, and then we might select your name when stepping in the booth.

Good luck and God bless America!